Disability Pension

So, I am officially a pensioner at the age of 35...

Yesterday the mail delivered the judgement and it was positive. For the time being it is paid as rehabilitation aid, until the end of July. But supposedly the pension will continue after that.

Seems so awful, in a way I had hoped that the decision would be negative so that there would be a slight chance for me to work full-time again, but maybe it's better this way. I may work part time alongside this pension and earn up to 600€ per month, wuhuuu :) Maybe the bloodvessels repair themselves and I may walk again without having to sit down every 100meters? Maybe this all is just a bad dream and I'll wake up sweaty in my own bed beside my wife, she'll hug me and ask: "Is everything alright, my love?", and I'd say; "Yes dear, everything is fine". And then we would go on a long long walk with the dogs in the forest, just the two of us holding hands as we walk.

It has been almost a year since I have worn TWO shoes, all of my shoes have only one pair in the hall, the left pair is packed away upstairs. About eight months ago I could go on a walk with our dogs. But maybe the worst is that it has been way over a year since I had a day without pain. Nowadays I don't think where it hurts, only how much. I hate to wake up in the mornings, they are the worst. I can't even get dressed without excruciating pain. Luckily, the pain subsides in a few hours. Mornings have always been hard for me, and then you add the pain and the result is that I am pretty much left alone until I myself start talking, then everyone knows the pain has eased up.

I am very thankful for my family. The word "family" is a collective word for me - not only my wife and children are included, but also my parents and sister as well as her girlfriend. Each and everyone of them does their best to support me in my battle, without them I probably would be moping around all day wellowing in self pity.

And to end this days writing with a positive touch, I just read from facebook that a dear friend of mine is getting married next summer - from the bottom of my heart, I hope all the best for them <3