Tired, so very tired

Thursday should be full of hope, but I'm so tired, I can't find positive in this day. Well okay, outside isn't freezing anymore and it's not snowing but I really don't have the energy to think about things I'm not able to enjoy over.

She's like the wind from Dirty Dancing is playing on my computer, brings back good memories from the time I was totally unaware the cruel world and was sheltered by my parents, sister, teachers and friends. There were no cares in the world, maybe the one thing which most made me anxious was what to wear so that someone I had a crush on would notice me. Other than that I didn't have to worry about anything. I had it well. A good home, wonderful family and friends, strict but caring teachers. Even though, now when I look back to my school years, I had only one friend - until she changed schools in the fourth grade. Ofcourse I had friends, but not friends who would be very close.

Still today I remember the phone call, she didn't come to school the first day of school after the Christmas holiday. I thought she was ill, and wrote all the homework down very careful, so that she would be able to do them at home. After school she phoned me, and immediately I started to tell her the homework and she interrupted me and told that she had started at another school. Did I cry on the phone, that I don't remember, but my heart broke. Since then, I never found a similar BFF.

Still hope to go on a holiday, still I'm fed up with these walls.

Yesterday I was able to wash the dishes without having to sit down in between. But, during the evening, my feet were aching regardless the pain medication. So the question is - if this new medication allows me to do things without pain but the pain is double afterwards, which is better?

Maybe tomorrow is a better day.